Why 2013 is Going to Be Different....

I am giving myself until 11:59pm to type this and get everything I want to out. At which time I will post it and be done with the negativity. Please hang in there. I'm sorry. I promise happier days are coming in my posts....

I want this to be a happy post. Filled with things I have done this year. The things I am proud of. My hopes for the new year. But it can't be. Tonight I feel sad, annoyed, overwhelmed, livid. The fact is that I have been walked on for far too long. I have been suppressed one too many times. And I can't keep living my life to please everyone else anymore.
It makes me mad that I'm spending my New Years at home, bitter, and disappointed that I have to be the adult in no less than two MAJOR situations in my life. Even though I'm the youngest person involved. Thank God for my mother whom I love more than anyone in the entire world. And my sister who, although sometimes we fight, I know always has my back.
This year has been one of my hardest ever. I have suddenly lost my best friend, came an hour away from losing my father, I have now quit my job because I shouldn't have to live the way I was and in turn lost all of the children I was basically helping to raise and loved so very much. I have a major happy thing happening in my life in the next three weeks and dammit I'm not going to let anyone take that away just because they don't have the gumption to realise life is beautiful.

Recently I have been watching a lot of Lost. It's on Netflix and I decided that I was going to watch all 6 seasons. In the first episode Jack allows himself 5 seconds to be scared. I'm giving myself 5 seconds to be scared, angry, sad, bitter, annoyed, betrayed, sit down and take it Kylee. Then I'm going to pick myself up, get tough and get on with my life. IT'S MY TURN!!!!!!!!
5........
  4........
    3........
      2........
        1........

 

Blogger Day of Silence

On Tuesday, December, 18th there will be a blogger day of silence dedicated to the Sandy Hook victims. Bloggers will post a button and that is it.


But for now a few more tiny faces to pray for....

Names and Faces....

Today the names and faces of the littlest victims were released. They were all 6 or 7 years old. It makes me want to cry, scream and pull my own hair out. So many beautiful little lives lost so absolutely senselessly. As you read the names and view the pictures below I ask that you say a little prayer for each beautiful child and their families that are no doubt needing all of the strength others around the world can give them.
The fallen are....
Charlotte Bacon, age 6
Daniel Barden, age 7
Olivia Engel, age 6
Josephine Gay, age 7
Ana Marquez-Greene, age 6
Dylan Hockley, age 6
Madeleine Hsu, age 6
Catherine Hubbard, age 6
Chase Kowalski, age 7
Jesse Lewis, age 6
James Mattioli, age 6
Grace McDonnell, age 7
Emilie Parker, age 6
Jack Pinto, age 6
Noah Pozner, age 6
Jessica Rekos, age 6
Avielle Richman, age 6
Benjamin Wheeler, age 6
Allison N. Wyatt, age 6

Today is Not A Happy Day....

Yesterday I took the first step in attaining one of my biggest life goals. But today is not the day for that. I cannot even be excited for myself when I think about what transpired in Newtown, Connecticut. I feel like I have been stripped of my happiness and euphoria today.

No.
Today is most definitely not a happy day.
Today is a sorrowful day.
Today is a tragic day.
Today is a day of mourning.
Today is a day of lost innocence.

Today is a day of 20 children being gunned down at school.
Today is a day of 5 year olds gasping for their final breaths crying for mommies and daddies as they expire.
Today is a day where you rip a paper into 20 tiny bits to try to wrap your mind around the number 2-0.
Today is a day that you weep for everyone of those papers.
Today is a day of funeral plans instead of Christmas joy.
Today is a day of realization that evil is real.
Today is a day of breaking news and up to date reports.
Today is a day of scarred survivors.
Today is a day of sobbing presidents.

Today is a day to hold your children close and never ever ever let go........

Getting Close to the Edge....

I am getting ever so closer.
Left foot, right foot. Left foot, right foot. Closer to the edge I go.
Will I jump?
Here I go....

I'm Standing on the Edge of a Great Precipice....

....and I'm afraid to move. If I step back I know I will be safe and comfortable forever. If I take another step forward I will fall into something unknown, scary, grown up.
And it frightens me to death. But it's something I have to do. Something I want to do. But GAHHHH! I'm so scared!
Anyways, sorry for being so deep with so few details. If all goes according to plan then I might have something to share by the weekend.
Hang tight! I know I am!
:S

November Health Update....

Here we go!

November 22nd- Got Remicade. Pretty un-eventful. They did a blood draw right from the IV so I didn't have to go to a lab the next day. YAY for less pokes! I got flushed after the Solu-cortef and the nurse was a tad worried but all was OK. She put it in my chart to watch for next time (Jan. 3rd). And she also put a hypoallergenic Tegaderm in my chart to try for next time.

November 29th- I had my docs appt. with Dr. A-S(Endocrinologist). It was a disaster. I was told that I was going to see her for my Hemachromatosis. She doesn't deal with genetic things. I had seen her years ago for a bit of high blood sugar so she just wants to do a follow up on that anyway so that means more bloodwork and fasting for it (ew). Anyway, I am now waiting for a dietitian appointment. Phew, docs....

Really? Is that all I had to update? I thought there was more.... Oh well.
:)

Why I Am Feeling Especially Honoured This Week....

Last Saturday I received a comment from someone I have never met. It said that her name was Whitney and she was running in the Las Vegas Rock n' Roll Crohn's and Colitis Marathon. What's so exciting about this you ask? Lots of people were running you say? Well what I was absolutely flabbergasted by was the fact that she told me that she was going to wear my name at the race. WHAT!?!? MY NAME!?!? You mean someone actually reads all of the stuff I write down!?

Wow! Honoured (even with the Canadian spelling extra letter) is not a big enough word!

Here are a couple of pictures she sent me from the race.



 

 

 

Thank you Whitney! I'm so glad that I could inspire you!
Keep Smiling!
:)

WEGO Hea- What? You Mean I Have to Start Naming These Posts By Myself Again?

Fun Fact: It usually takes at least 17 hours for food to make it through my digestive system(since I have started Remicade). I can tell you for a fact that today it only took 5 hours. This is A) My intestines becoming more efficient or B) Me being on the cusp of a flare. I'm hoping its the former(doubt it), but it's probably the latter(lovely *eyeroll*). And with all of the non health related crap going on in my life a flare is not something I need right now. Grrrr....

A full out health update comin' atcha this weekend(God willing). Lots of catching up to do from last month.
:\

Just Kidding!

I'm not really gone! I think it has something to do with habit now but everyday posting just feels right. Nothing much to say. But I have changed the layout. What do you think? I do so love winter....