I live in Canada.
I do daycare for a living.
I've had a best friend since Grade 9.
Her name is Aly.
On Friday she killed herself.
I was told this on Monday night.
I knew it was coming.
I feel guilty for not seeing her in February.
I am mad that she would do this to me in the way that she did.
I'm happy that I have friends that knew her the way that I did.
I like the support we give to each other.
I'm thankful for the memories that keep popping into my head.
I long for the ones I'm having trouble remembering.
I hate that I have to go through this.
I hate that her mother has to bury her only child more.
I am envious at the people who didn't know her.
I mourn for the ones who did.
I love that the last thing I said to her was "cookies".
I loathe that it was on Facebook and not in person.
I want the chance to say goodbye to her.
I will never get that chance.
I'm proud of the fact I got through this without crying.
I worry I am becoming numb.
