"Death is for the dying...."
Unfortunately I have had too much experience with this concept recently. My best friend Aly committed suicide very suddenly on June 22nd. And I can't believe in three days it will be five months ago already. It seems like this morning that I was cheerily Facebooking her about camping and her upcoming birthday. The littlest thing can set off a memory of her. I think about her everyday.
Her death has also brought me closer to the realization that life is short. Delicate. Sometimes unlived. And with a chronic, potentially fatal if not taken care of disease (or two) you really appreciate everyday. I saw what her family had to go through and it nearly ripped me apart inside. It raised more questions than I can answer.
What would happen if I died tomorrow? I don't know. What would happen to my belongings? My car? I don't know. How would people remember me? As a good person? As a tragic, hopeless case of health disarray? I don't know. How would my family cope? I don't know. And what would happen to me?
This scares me most of all....
"Life is for the living...."
Life is beautiful. Life is amazing. Life is fragile. If you get a chance to live it. And I mean not just walking through the everyday like a mindless drone going to work, coming home from work, going to bed to work all day again tomorrow. But if you TRUELY live everyday to the fullest then you are making your life count for something. It can be the smallest things. Pick up a pinch of sand. How many grains are you holding? 100? 1,000? 1,000,000? And each of those little specks came from a bigger rock that has eroded hundreds and thousands of years ago. This sand could be older than your mother's mother's mother's mother's mother's mother's mother. If this doesn't blow your mind then you are not a full life liver.
Or a 1 year old baby taking his first steps. 365 days ago he wasn't even part of this world outside of his squishy little waterbed. And now he is just one step closer to having his own life, kids, career. It's all in the circle of life. Nants ingonyama bagithi baba! Sithi uhhmm ingonyama! Nants ingonyama bagithi baba! Ingonyama nengw' enamabala! Sorry, Lion King Circle of Life tangent....
But what I am getting at is if you are lucky enough to be given a life, as horrible or wonderful as it might be, it's still yours. Your loved ones that have passed will never get the chance. Aly will never get the chance. Somehow, in time, i have to try to be OK and make peace with that. So I will take the chance for her.
Today I choose to live!
:D
